You know - here's the thing... when I speak calmly and respectfully to correct a behavior in my house and no one listens to me, I get frustrated. Things escalate. When I say it repeatedly and the action I'm trying to correct continues for weeks, (or months, or years) I lose it. I get REAL dramatic!
Is it right? Absolutely not!
Do I have to apologize afterward? Absolutely!
Is it effective? Sometimes...
Sometimes, the drama gets the attention that my calm words did not. Sometimes, the fear of my dramatic anger, is a reminder that lingers a little longer than the calm words.
There is no logic in my dramatic anger; no issue in our hourse worth yelling over, but it happens none the less. And so, I have been mulling over my own words recently "I don't get how looting target has anything to do with punishing police officers for a hanous murder?"… but after reflecting on my own escalating frustrations for much more trivial offenses, I think I get it now.
It doesn't make violence right.
It’s going to result in apologies (+ unfortunately arrests/charges for many).
Maybe, it will be effective in driving change.
I empathize with those who are burnt out, fed up, exhausted, and enraged at being ignored. Empathy does not mean condoning, supporting, or even agreeing with the resulting behavior… it just means allowing yourself to relate to the feeling. I understand how someone could be driven to violence by the continued systemic racism in this country.
BUT, here's the tough part… the mayor of Atlanta is right. Go home, if you love this city. Even the dramatic anger in me isn't really effective in my house. It may last longer, but it doesn't result in actual change and neither will the riots. Just like my anger, they may feel temporarily more effective than peaceful measures, but no change happens over night. Change comes from WORK. In my house, with our children and in our marriage - change takes face-to-face focused attention and discussion. It takes listening and explaining and understanding and empathy and counsel. Change is good, but change is really hard.
I've understood and agreed with the systemic racism we've had in our country for my whole life. Now, I am beginning to truly empathize with those that are regularly affected by it. I want these riots to liner longer on my heart, but more than that - I want to be part of the solution in a real and meaningful way. I pray others will search themselves too and find empathy for the root cause behind this chaos. I hope we can spend time with ourselves and with others to listen, understand, empathize, and change.
To the families and friends of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, and all the other names I should know, but don't, I'm sorry! Today, I committ to begin to do better for the world we’re all raising our kids in.