I guess it’s the middle of the night
when He gives me the boldness to write.
I have all these drafts to share,
but instead I just let them sit there.
I have no more rhymes
so here with this time
I’ll just give you a bit of my heart, if that’s fine…
My uncle Wesley passed away during our spring break ski trip. It’s not a loss that should gut me. I adore him, but we didn’t spend a lot of time together. Living on opposite sides of the country will do that to you. However, in the weeks since his passing, I can’t stop reliving our best memories and wishing for just a few more. Spring Break train rides from my Grandma’s house to visit him in LA. Runion Canyon hikes on repeat. Cheering on the Chiefs when they were absolutely terrible. I’m so glad he got to see them win two super bowls!
Just like my grandma, he was always trying to find a way to sneak me money as a kid. $20 for a simple chore in the kitchen, etc. His greatest act of rebellion against my parents was “accidentally” forgetting my birthday as an excuse to constantly send me cards full of money in college. I bet my mom will get a kick out of reading that for the first time. He was so funny and generous and kind. He loved hard, and unfortunately, had his heart broken as a result.
There is so much darkness around his passing. Darkness that may never come to light. It leaves me wishing I’d have been a stronger force for good in his life. We exchanged a few texts in January when the fires were happening in LA. His last words to me - “I will talk to you again soon. Love you…”
And here we are, never to speak again.
So maybe as I close
I have a few more prose.
How much loss can we take
before we inevitably break?
How long will this list
of the people I miss
continue to grow, and grow, and grow
Wesley, I wish you were here.
Jesus – be near!