I LOVE Instagram, but it's just a highlight real.
I want to make sure I've recorded life behind the pictures.
It's important to understand that my pictures and commentary are in no way contrived. They are truly the sweetest moments with #BabyKJ. They are the moments that make it all worth it, but they are just that - moments.
I have a pretty easy baby (so far). He only cries when he's hungry; He is a little fussy when he gets tired, and he grunts when he has to poop. He sleeps just like his daddy -- falls asleep fast and is not woken by kids, dogs, trains, lawn mowers, door bells, or being taken in and out of his car seat. I am forever grateful for his go with the flow personality and his adaptability.
All of that to say, even as great as he has been, the early weeks of mom life have been SO hard for me! Monday I uttered the words I knew would one day come, but never imagined so soon -- I told Kyle I want to go back to work. I want a day care worker to get to know my baby for me and then tell me what to do. I want to spend my days where I feel confident; a place where I have measurable metrics for success. I didn't want to take on this new challenge of being a mom to a newborn anymore.
[PLEASE KEEP READING, IF YOU STOP HERE YOURE GOING TO THINK I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON]
Thankfully, the Lord blessed me with the perfect husband for me and Kyle helped me work through the crazy emotions that had me ready to give up. You've all heard the saying 'love is a choice'. I've spent the past 9 years coming to understand that choice in my relationship with Kyle, but never did I imagine I'd have to choose to love my children. Don't get my wrong, I LOVE this sweet baby with my whole soul. However, to act on that love can be really hard when communication seems to go only one way. To continue to serve someone that can do nothing for themselves is exhausting. God is humbling me daily so that I can be capable to serve and love KJ well && the funniest part is -- the next day after I wanted to go back to work was almost perfect. I managed to understand KJ's cries and meet every need without a major melt down. It's like a funny little reminder that this challenge is one I should approach the way I do work. I would never truly quit on something I couldn't do at work. The results would be detrimental to my career. How much more important is this new job title of mom. I will learn from each day, I will acknowledge my mistakes, and although there is no right answer I will still seek wise counsel. Baby KJ and I will come to know and love each other more through it.
Behind every picture are a million more moments. Some are not so sweet, but all of them are perfectly crafted to help me become the best version of myself. Be encouraged in every challenge you're facing today friends. They say 'the days are long, but the years fly by.' I'm only one month in but I'd say they are right.
Happy one month of life Baby KJ!