The girl B E H I N D the camera taking all of the pictures. Who is she? Lately I’ve been asking myself this question. Trying to figure out who I am now. I find that my answers are the same as they have always been:
I am a child of the King.
I am a wife to Kyle McClung.
I am a Senior Consultant at Deloitte.
I am an amateur runner.
I am a painter, scrapbooker, wood worker, and avid reader.
I am a Krispy Kreme, Hershey’s chocolate, and Mexican food lover.
-- Then why do I feel so different? --
The obvious answer is because I am now also mom to
Kyle Howard McClung Jr.
[aka - KJ / Baby KJ / cage / bubba / little man / big guy / sunshine / && whatever other random names come out of my mouth each morning].
You see that was the problem. When KJ was born, I threw myself fully at being mom. I lost myself in the mess of dirty diapers, midnight feedings, and tears (both mine and his). Somehow, I had this expectation that meeting him would make everything right in the world and be all I ever needed in life. Over the past month I’ve come to realize that is not true. The rest of me did not disappear when KJ joined our lives. I still long for intimacy with my savior and my husband. I still miss the challenge and satisfaction of a hard day’s work. I still need to feel the agony, and subsequent euphoria, that comes only from conquering a long run. You see where this is going…
I felt different because I was acting different. This month, I’ve made a conscious effort to find myself again. It has given me life, y’all! I have the capacity to be a better, more patient, mom and wife when I’ve spent time on me. When I’ve had some chocolate, read a good book, found time for a bath, or hobbled through a long run. I haven’t been back to work yet (PRAISE!), but I’m sure it’ll give me the same sense of pride as before.
I’m not saying I’ve got everything figured out. We’ve had plenty of melt downs, taken two hours to fall asleep, cried (both he and I), and felt completely lost and frustrated, but I’m starting to find myself again.
Whether you’re about to be a mom, are a new mom, or are a long time mom – don’t lose yourself. You are your best for everyone else if you prioritize yourself. We, as women, are often horrible at this, but it is so important. If you need tips – check out the book Fringe Hours by Jessica Turner. It’s been instrumental in helping me find time for myself.
Cheers to surviving month number two!